Breathe in, breathe out.

It’s two am and for some reason I’ve been up thinking about the eventual end of days, Jesus, my family, friends, and relationship with God and it dawned on me that nobody really acknowledges the true meaning of Christmas anymore. Myself included, we take advantage of the day our Savior was born. That’s the whole point, yes, family and presents are great perks, but the reason we should celebrate December 25th is solely to praise our God for sending someone to save us from ourselves. Personally, I’m terrified of the world coming to an end, and that’s a selfish thing on my behalf, but I know that God’s got our best interest at hand, that’s why we’re on this earth, to relay that to those around us and we often forget that. So, on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, remind the person next to you what Jesus did for us and why we celebrate Christmas.

icantfeelyou:

I am a wallflower. 
I do not speak, for my words mean nothing
and I do not cry for my pain is not accounted for. 
I do not smile, for there is nothing to smile about
and I do not cry, for there is nothing to cry about. 

I am nobody, nor will I never be somebody.
Perhaps that is the way that I prefer. 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned and one thing I struggle to remember, it’s to appreciate every single thing my your life.
Be appreciative, tell the people you need that you need them, say thank you, go out of your way to be nice, appreciate your friends, boyfriend, family, teachers, everyone.
You don’t realize how quickly the people you love can be taken away from you, don’t waste time.
Love and appreciate the life you live.

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. 

I have been sitting here, staring at a blank screen, knowing that I want to say so many things, but not sure where to begin or where to go.

A few weeks ago, I wanted to post about this, but I didn’t. I was meeting my mom and grandma at the mall to go back to school shopping and to no surprise, they were nearly 30 minutes late. So, as I was sitting on the bench outside the mall waiting for them, this man (probably late 70s) starts to walk past me and simply asks how I’m doing today, and I sweetly responded, “wonderful, how are you?” He stopped maybe two feet in front of me and looked me straight in the eye and said this, “young lady, I don’t know you, but I want you to know that I studied the Bible for nearly 60 years and what I do know is that our God is a loving, gracious God that loves you with a boundless, never ending love.” Instantly, it brought me to tears and pushed me to realize that I don’t take the time out of my day often enough to be thankful that we worship a God who loves us that much. It was an incredible experience that I will never forget.

Which brings me to say, I have been doing quite a bit of thinking about where I’d like to be in life right now. I am blessed with a wonderful family, a wonderful church, wonderful friends, and a wonderful boyfriend. But I feel like I need something more. I’m currently in the midst of searching for whatever that passion may be.

The older I get, the more people walk in and out of my life. I suppose it’s a fact of life, but a sad one.
At this point, I’m not really sure I could call any single friend someone I could truly rely on and that’s a stressful feeling. And I know that I have some broken friendships that I want to mend, but have no idea how to go about doing so. And it’s maybe not so much mending them, just experiencing some sort of closure. I’ve got so many loose ends.

I’ve got a lot to think about and I think it’s so good that Dillon and I are back in OKC in our home, with our families, and taking our life together one step at a time. We are comfortable for now and happy. A lot of changes are eventually coming our way and I’m happy to say that the one thing I know for sure is that our relationship is strong enough to handle anything.

I am such a blessed, lucky, happy person. And I know that God will provide me with whatever is missing.

I know it was all extremely jumbled, but that’s the way my brain works.